According to the latest revelations brought to us courtesy of the UN, humans are living way beyond their environmental means and are heading for self-extinction. I can’t wait!

I hope our graceful departure from this planet takes place before all the other species are destroyed, especially the domestic cats. I would love to see them go back into the wild, hunt down all the mice and frogs in their local prowling area, subdue them, flick them around, and then gobble them down – whiskers and all, to at last lie down and bask in the morning sun after a night of honest work (assuming they are still capable of such an effort). I would also love to see a tree grow from a seed that wasn’t planted, but simply fell down to earth and took root randomly and at its leisure. And I would love to watch that tree spread its branches wide and relax to the midday breeze in full knowledge that it won’t be cut down in its prime. I would also like to see a fox… just seeing it would do! Enough dreaming.

So we are heading for self-extinction, which will be –let me explain it to you in detail – a slow and brutal death from lack of oxygen leading to painful asphyxiation, our eyes popping out, our lungs collapsing, our collective skin burnt by some potent pollutants, blistering and peeling off, black patches of agonising melanoma diving into our internal organs. The luckier ones of us - the chosen ones - especially in California, will escape that cruelty by promptly and efficiently burning to death in wild fires, and those in New Orleans (the real lucky bastards) will just drown. A few Japanese will stay in control until the end and commit honourable hara-kiri at the last minute before their island is devoured by a tsunami. The Russians and satellite republics’ inhabitants will naturally mutate and live on as cockroaches. But as far as the human race per se is concerned, that will be end of the world as we know it.

But why should we worry about that? I don’t. It’s seems so peaceful and remote comparing with the present and imminent danger of a terrorist attack that our United States superpower can and will inflict on all of us in one swift push of a button long before we ask for the right to remain silent.